Bonafide - Something’s Dripping (1.5/5)

01. Dirt Bound 03:43 02. Hard Livin’ Man 03:18 03. No Doubt About It 03:59 04. Straight Shooters 03:33 05. Elvis Chapel Blues 04:35 06. Fill Your Head With Rock 05:12 07. Dog 03:15 08. A Shot Of You 03:22 09. Butter You Up 03:34 10. Swan Song 04:10 11. Sicker Than I Think 03:44

I have a hard time believing that Bonafide are actually Swedish. There’s something deeply 80s Americana about them. This is a band who fantasise about fast cars, sleep in leather jackets, and use a gang chant of “hell yeah” as about 40% of their backing vocals. Everything about their image and their music suggests they’re probably from California…but they’re not. They’re just trying really, really hard to be.

Seriously, has anyone informed Bonafide what decade it is? This album really sounds like it should be playing over the end-credits of a rubbish 80s road-trip movie. I can’t listen to opening track ’Dirt Bound’ without seeing a slow-motion high-five, and maybe a red sports car tearing off into a California sunset. And it goes on in the same fashion, attempted hard-rock anthem after attempted hard-rock anthem. You barely even notice the gaps between songs, it’s just a montage of spandex-clad riffs, facepalm-inducing backing vocal harmonies and predictable guitar solos. Now, I’ve never said a bad word in my life about guitar solos, and yet here Bonafide are trying to make me be that guy. You just see theirs coming a mile off. A lot like everything else in their music, really.

On the one hand, I suppose for what it is, it’s an effective enough performance. The riffs are solid enough, and singer Pontus Snibb hits all of the appropriate notes…it’s all just so, so predictable, though. I’m reasonably sure Bonafide decided to form a band after watching the film ‘School of Rock’, and went to the extent of using it as an instructional DVD. You’ve got the incredibly basic structuring - vaguely foot-tapping riff, simplistic drumbeat, singer attempting to sound gravely and enigmatic, occasional light tapping-solo. Absolutely nothing inspired or innovative in the slightest. I’d even go so far as to describe them as sounding ‘stock’, as loathe as I am to quote Lars Ulrich. It all sounds like theme music if not from that 80s road-movie then a PlayStation racing game. I suppose it’s a good soundtrack to driving around unreasonably fast…so the best thing I can say about this album is that it encourages automotive crime. *sarcastic thumbs up*. Thing is, they’re not even anywhere near the best at that game…you want driving music? Get some Fu Manchu on the go. They’ve got this lot eating their dust.

I actually thought they’d started cheating and just repeating songs after a while - ‘Fill Your Head With Rock’ bears an uncanny resemblance to ‘Dirt Bound’. I think they might have just changed the words a bit. I pride myself on being able to listen to just about anything, at least a couple of times through, but I was seriously, seriously struggling with the boredom by the last few tracks of “Something’s Dripping”. And when I finally made it to the end (after finding that closer ‘Sicker Than I Think‘ again bears an uncanny resemblance to ‘Dirt Bound‘), it felt like I’d just listened to the same song eleven times in a row. I don’t mind that song, to any great extent…but there are precious few songs I’ll listen to eleven times consecutively.

I mean, I like cheesy 80s-rock. UFO’s ‘Strangers In The Night’? Genius. (yes, yes, I know, 1979, still). And I’ve never been drunk in a club without at some point requesting the DJ play Journey. I’ll even sit through a crappy road-movie, as long as I’ve got a decent beer supply. People are probably going to listen to a couple of Bonafide songs and think this review incredibly harsh…but hey, taken in extremely small doses (as in maybe a single song), I too could probably enjoy Bonafide. But a whole album of it? I’m sorry, I’ve tried, I really have, but it bores me practically to tears. It’s just so repetitive. My ears rebel and start looking for more interesting noises in the room to focus on, like the worrying little humming noise my PC’s monitor makes, which is probably the cathode ray tube about to explode. Yes, I put ‘Something’s Dripping’ on the CD player and ignore it, focusing instead on a miniscule background hum. So I’m going to go way out on a limb here, and say that maybe, just maybe, in my humble opinion of course, it’s a load of crap.

Which brings us to the final verdict. I’m kind of torn between giving the album one out of five, or two out of five. One out of five seems harsh, as in isolation, these are not dreadful songs. However, I’m probably going to go out of my way to never listen to this CD again, and going on all the terrible things I’ve said so far, two out of five might not reflect the overall tone of the review. Maybe one and a half out of five? At the end of the day, I guess I don’t really care. This non-album inspires nothing more than ambivalence in me. Let’s just leave it at that, and I can go back to living my life as if none of this had ever happened.

Something’s Dripping is available to buy or download at Play.com

Genre : Metal

Article by Phil Sim