Spit Like This - We Won’t Hurt You (But We Won’t Go Away) (2.5/5)

01. Sex, Drugs & Heavy Metal 3:55 02. Heart Thief 3:42 03. Trust Your Instincts 3:07 04. Young, Dumb & Full of Fun 3:46 05. Dead Girl Walking 3:57 06. Down On You 3:33 07. Pussywhipped 4:35 08. Hunt You Down 3:43 09. Act Of God 4:17 10. Coming After You 3:12 11. Top Of The World 3:00 12. Sleaze Sells…But Who’s Buying? 2:08 13. Trick Or Mistreat 3:46 14. Sweet Transvestite 3:53

Ahh, that traditional call-to-arms that starts many a heavy metal song; shouting a one-liner about getting ready to go, turning up the sound, or how asses are about to be kicked. A select few are:

Venom - Bloodlust - ‘Come on, turn it up!’
Beastie Boys - Fight For Your Right - ‘Kick it!’
Sweet - Ballroom Blitz - ‘Alright fellas, let’s go!’
Buckcherry - So Far - ‘Come on! Hurrrgh!’
Jackviper - Go Fuck Yourself - ‘Listen up, motherfucker!’
Steel Panther - The Shocker - ‘Are you ready, baby?’
Airbourne - Stand Up For Rock ‘N’ Roll - ‘Alright people, welcome to the show!’
Motorhead - Dead Men Tell No Tales - ‘This is it!’
John Loeffler - Pokerap - ‘Okay guys, we gotta rap some Pokemon… let’s get it on!’

And now we can add the opener from Spit Like This’ first full-length, ‘Sex, Drugs & Heavy Metal’ to the list, with it’s ‘Yeah, turn up the level!’ introduction. The band, named after an utterance from a spitting contest between vocalist Lord Zion and bassist Vikki Spit, get things off to a suitably rollicking, in-yer-face start on an album of which there is something very Rocky Horror about (it’s fitting that it closes with a rendition of ‘Sweet Transvestite’ from the film). There are loads of clichés and silly lines, but the charm and cheekiness of it still leaves a smile on the face.

Suddenly, however, track two (’Heart Thief’) rolls in with its Nirvana-esque twangs and blues-rock stomp and things take a turn for the worst. The track itself is an enjoyable foot-tapper but, unfortunately, it’s a sign of things to come. By ‘Young, Dumb & Full Of Fun’, things hve slowed down to a fairly uninteresting pace - even for a song about hittin’ the road with your band. Saving graces are the quirks and jaunty hooks, but even these start to wear thin by ‘Hunt You Down’, the line ‘Gonna hunt you down and then I’m gonna fuck you’ being neither a giggle or a shock. There’s just a severe lack of momentum; not that there’s anything wrong with slow music, but for a self-proclaimed rock, punk and glam band, the expected fast thrills and snottiness are largely absent until ‘Coming After You’, making the previous set of tracks feel like a gothic microsleep (waking only to appreciate the weird, somehow sinister synth riff of ‘Pussywhipped’).

Undeniably, the album has its moments. ‘Sleaze Sells…But Who’s Buying?’ sounds like Dave Mustaine covering Frank Sinatra, and guitarist Cyndi Rott gets brownie points for making the instrument do a wolf-whistle. ‘Trust Your Instincts’ is fundamentally cool for being named after a line from Starfox, as well as its lyrics about selling your girlfriend’s knickers on eBay. ‘Trick Or Mistreat’ wraps things up in a suitably schizophrenic fashion, but leaves one wanting more. And that’s the problem with the album - the creative juices are brewing, but they’re not quite ready on this album. The title is apt - the album doesn’t hurt at all. It should though. It has the potential to do your ears and brain some damage, but instead reserves itself. And if they’re not going to go away, it would be better for everyone if they incorporate more than dirges into their future works, and get round to making the point that they want to make. As it stands, I’m only half getting it.

We Won’t Hurt You (But We Won’t Go Away) is available to buy or download at Play.com

Genre : Metal

Article by Andy McDonald